A Simple Plan: How to Save the Oscars

Copy of oscars1

Joel and Ethan Coen: not very cute. Can’t the Academy do better?

It’s troubling to think that, in a year featuring one of the strongest crops of films in this decade, the 2008 Oscars telecast only drew 32 million viewers – the lowest recorded numbers ever. At this rate, we’re not going to know what the stars wore on the red carpet, because they’re going to roll that carpet up and scuttle the Academy Awards for good. It ain’t right. The Oscars are of paramount importance – time to cut the crap and re-prioritize.

Think about it: at the pre-show procession, Ryan Seacrest asks “who are you wearing?” not “which Pulitzer Prize winning author did you crib from?’ And Javier Bardem is hot, but that haircut? My God, what was that all about? Am I the only one that noticed that? Is there no room for a sexy, cattle-gun toting sociopath? And hasn’t Daniel Day-Lewis clutched enough Oscars? There Will Be Boringgggggg!

Among the Best Picture contenders, Juno was the only one of the five to gross over 100 million. Like John Stewart said, “‘No Country For Old Men,’ ‘Sweeney Todd,’ ‘There Will Be Blood.’ All I can say is: thank God for teen pregnancy.” And he was right, Hollywood does “need a hug.” Critics too. Lighten up people, and stop enabling. On your watch, the Oscars are turning into a quality-over-currency snoozefest.

The correlation between low ratings and the caliber of movies and performances being acknowledged is obvious. There’s a very simple way to turn this around and save the Oscars, but it’s going to sting some. Here’s your inconvenient truth: the studios have to bite the bullet and stop making “good” films.

Industry moguls, the next time an award winning director or producer calls looking for dough, hang up the phone. And to do our part, we as moviegoers have to organize and boycott these pictures at the box office until they’re phased out. Hollywood, disregard at your own peril – it is the path to red carpet righteousness.

Posted by Ted Zee on February 27th 2008 | Home Page | 7 Comments Subscribe to this site's feed

7 Responses

  1. LOL | doc it out Says:

    […] Ted Zee’s post about the low Oscar ratings is cracking me up! […]

  2. Rick Olson Says:

    I love it …

  3. scott anderson Says:

    How about doing away with the terrible dance numbers, shaving the retrospectives in half, and limit the TV portion to two hours max? Sure, go ahead and give out all but the coolest awards beforehand with the b-list actresses and the technical awards.

    And maybe if one celebutard was randomly blown to smithereens every year, it would be more interesting to. Except that, the first year, let’s make it “Tom Cruise,” and not “Random.”

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