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Dear Lacy Laplante Loyalists,
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Season 2, Episode 4: A.K.A The Plant

While Celia is out campaigning, with an unsuccessful focus on the stay at home moms, (and fending off modeling reps targeting Isabelle for plus-size fashion ads) husband Dean finds himself the victim of his own suggestion: corporate downsizing. Hurling expletives left and right as he takes the walk of shame out the door, his freak-out on the security escort ends with a sudden tazer jolt to the neck - the corporate hordes as an audience, snapping camera phone pics. He’s able to keep his unemployed status a secret from Celia for all of one afternoon.

Conrad provides Nancy with her street name, Lacy Laplante, complete with fake Canadian identification. With her new alias, (and what criminal is truly legit until they have one?) she’s truly finding her inner Con, easily mentally maneuvering past inquiring electric company staffers. Later, Miss Laplante and Conrad meet the other half of their hapless team (where’s Sanjay?) back at the grow house to continue setting up shop. Conrad and Nancy argue over blown budgets while Andy finds inventive ways to nearly expose their illicit operation to the outside world, and Doug tap dances on bubble wrap. A well-oiled machine they’re not. Dean makes a brief appearance to deliver his delayed punch to Conrad’s jaw, for prior adulterous indiscretions.

Speaking of questionable behavior, Uncle Andy is called upon by Shane once again, since providing the much-appreciated advice on “self-serve” techniques. (Video of that very speech has been added to last week’s recap.) As self-appointed doctor of love, he takes Shane along to an old haunt, the massage parlor, so Shane can catch up to the claims of his middle-school classmates. After heavy complaint and hesitation from the help at the parlor, Shane finally seals the deal on the “happy finish” by turning on the fake water works, and walks out shedding more of his adolescent innocence

More love and lust is in the air in Agrestic and it’s neighboring areas. For starters, Heylia’s been fretting over her warm and fuzzy feelings for Nation of Islam suitor, Joseph, and he shares the sentiment for her. Andy, after getting his own therapy at the massage parlor, finds himself rejected once again by Yeal, (played by Meitel Dohan) over dinner. He’s just not man enough for the Israeli expatriate. But rest assured, he’ll find a way into her heart, or bed at least, in good time. On a much more romantic excursion, Nancy and Peter take to the firing range, in lieu of dinner. Much too comfortable with a firearm in her hand, and seeming to swoon at the sight of cold steel, perhaps she was the better half of Bonnie and Clyde in a past life?

Back at the grow house, Conrad introduces Nancy to the hydroponics installation team hired at their disposal, but the shock and awe of the elaborate set-up is short lived, as an unexpected visitor comes calling. An Armenian competitor in the neighborhood, bearing baklava, is keen to their business plans, being familiar with the installation group’s vehicles. The message: “I know what you are doing, so get out. Or next time I knock on your door, I wont be holding pastries, and neither will my brothers and my cousins.” But Nancy, or Lacy rather, has this new found confidence, whether it be by her empowered alter ego, her gun-toting undercover husband, or both – and can’t be bothered by competitive forces. Fully disregarding Conrad’s concerns of a turf war, she’s in this for the long haul: “There’s always problems. There’s always solutions.”

And seeing as how (since Nancy stumbled into Peter’s bathroom to discover she had put on a DEA jacket) every episode must now end in a cliffhanger of some sort, the latest is a less than minor shocker that you should have seen coming: Nancy arrives back at the Botwin residence to find Silas and girlfriend Megan waiting on the front lawn. Pinpricked condoms lead to children having children.

Check back next week for a new recap.

Notes: “Little Boxes” by Kate and Anna McGarrigle. Check out Meital Dohan’s resume and melodramatic highlight reel at her official site. Word is that she was a rising star on Channels 1, 2, and 3. And who the hell else is chomping at the bit for the October 1st premiere of Michael C. Hall’s Dexter, after the heavy barrage of promos?

Tags: weeds, lacy laplante, happy finish

Season 2, Episode 3: “Last Tango in Agrestic”

Picking up where we left off, with Nancy having thrown up on the front lawn, Peter brings her back to the car to continue the conversation. “When I come across a suburban widow dealing dime bags to bored housewives, I like to flatter myself by thinking that I have more important things to do with my time - professionally speaking.” Not in it for the bust, he thinks the two can mold their dealer/lawman relations into a mutually beneficial partnership. Nancy, still skeptical, joins Peter over dinner to talk about how they might continue. When asked how long it took for him to figure out her day job, he admits that he had suspicions almost immediately, and used his snooping skills to do a background check. He even knows that she has a sister – Jill. Peter says that he’s had time to think the situation through, and that he has a plan to make the relationship work.

A day later - arriving late for family dinner, Silas is suspicious about his mother’s absence since rushing out to meet Peter the previous evening. She’s hiding something. Later, Silas pleads with his girlfriend, Sarah, to take him back so they can have their kicks before she heads off to Princeton. Next, a teenage sex montage. Soon enough we find him sticking a safety pin through a Trojan. So that’s his plan for keeping his girlfriend around? Kids.

“Have you been noticing any changes in your body lately?” Nancy learns that Shane has discovered the wonders of puberty, and has been flushing spent socks down the toilet, but he denies any such self-discovery. Throwing her hands up after Shane makes a speedy, and fully humiliated exit, she recruits Andy’s help in the matter - “Talk to Shane about jerking off.” Andy offers an instructional/motivational talk for Shane - Pearl Jam, Tugging the tiger, Goo glove, Creamy Italian, Randy Johnsons, and a host of other euphemisms are used to encourage Shane to freely kick the tires, and take his body out for a spin. But just say no to “used” socks down the pipes.

Meeting with Conrad and Doug in a new “grow house” location they’ve acquired in their rapidly expanding operation, Conrad questions Nancy’s new found swagger, now fearing no interruption of the risky business at hand. Then, upon first introduction, Celia’s husband Dean finally puts two and two together – “You’re the Conrad that fucked my wife!” Conrad offers him one free punch to even things up, but Dean has never hit a man before, and he’s not good under pressure. He haggles for a rain check, and Conrad begrudgingly accepts.

Finally, just after Nancy agrees to contribute in some small way to Celia’s city council overthrow, Peter phones. “Just thinking about where we were less than 24 hours ago.” We flashback on the two, after Nancy’s realization that the jig was up, on a plane - destination unknown. Once on the ground, walking hand in hand, Peter helps her through a mental checklist:

“No one but us has to know about this?”

“Our secret?”

“Strictly business?”

“And this means they can’t make you testify against me?”

Cue Elvis. Wedding bells. Las Vegas. Holy Matrimony.

Quick Notes: Heylia has a gentleman suitor from the Nation of Islam, bearing homemade pies. Andy finally gets a date with his admissions officer. What took him so long? Celia finds herself injured in a most intimate area after joining her daughter’s morning exercise camp. Cover of “Little Boxes” by Engelbert Humperdinck. Fun Fact: Shoshannah Stern, who plays teenage Megan, girlfriend of Silas, is 26 years old.

New recap next week.

Update: Added video of Andy’s (now notorious) masturbation speech:

Tags: weeds, showtime, randy johnsons

Season 2/Ep 2: “Cooking With Jesus”

Episode two opens with Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) calling Peter (Martin Donovan) to let him know that she can’t continue seeing him because, as a widow just getting back on her feet, she can’t let herself get involved with someone in his line of work. Too dangerous. Too unseemly. Of course she says all this while stuffing some ill-gotten petty cash into a hollowed out book. Peter pleads his case but Nancy won’t hear of it. “You deal with drug dealers,” Nancy says. She continues, before the hang up: “You carry a gun. I can’t. Please don’t call me anymore.”

There’s another clumsy-cartel meeting. “Where’s Conrad?” The crew asks. “He’s out….He simply isn’t prepared to take the next step,” says Nancy, failing to mention that the reason for his conspicuous absence stems from her disclosure of the DEA agent (possible) love triangle. Talk moves to the “Mohasky Cup”, a High Times Magazine (who else?) sponsored function that features the best that the California industry has to offer - a veritable who’s who of growers, suppliers, and enthusiasts. “The promise land of pot,” says Andy (Justin Kirk). “The Mecca of Marijuana,” retorts Doug (Kevin Nealon). The two will act as official “taste-testers” on Nancy’s behalf at the convention.

Conrad (Romany Malco), in his own pursuit to get his solo start-up off the ground, meets with a banker friend, looking for a loan under the guise of a burgeoning “hydroponic gourmet organic lettuce” biz. But his childhood buddy sees through the transparent plan: “Any loan officer is gonna know. You wanna grow some boo-yah.” Next up: Mike, a friend of the family who’s mightily impressed by Conrad’s entrepreneurial spirit, and his informed choice of marijuana strain, but refuses to get involved in family matters. Rather than pony up cash for a partnership with Conrad, he advises him to reconcile with Aunt Heylia, fill her in on the details of the new venture, and make this a family affair. Later, contrary to Conrad’s belief that he’s operating under the radar, we find out that Heylia is already fully aware that Conrad is seeking financing, but she’s keeping it under her hat.

Next: Nancy finds herself in over her head at the pot convention, left behind to sort through convention nerds, sample booths, and hard-sell sales pitches, as Doug and Andy venture off to find The One: the strain that will set their business off right. Cue the reggae band montage. Andy smokes every available sample in sight, while Doug poses questions like, “When does CPR become necrophilia?”, then finds himself onstage with the band, donning tie dye, and getting his groove back as he exhibits his very special interpretation of The Robot. For the record: More Rock-em’ Sock-em’ than C-3PO.

Back in Agrestic, with the groups chosen plant in the bathtub, Nancy finds that she doesn’t know the first thing about care and cultivation. And Conrad holds another ill-fated meeting with thuggish dealer, U-Turn, who would just as soon toss a knife in the general direction of his crew (sticking in an unassuming thigh) than have them raise their voices during a business meeting, or The Price is Right. So it’s with these difficulties that Nancy and Conrad find themselves together again, after Nancy’s pleadings and assurances that DEA Peter is out of the picture, and that the dream team must reunite.

So with business sorted, and the family gathered in the backyard for dinner, Nancy looks to have things under control. But in classic soap-operatic form, there’s a hitch. Peter calls from his car parked outside the house, not willing to leave until he can speak with her. Inside the car, delivering a speech that sounds mentally rehearsed, as though she was waiting for such a confrontation, Nancy lists all the reasons why they “will never be.” But Peter’s not listening. He’s just waiting for his turn to talk - a news flash that will leave Nancy stumbling out of the car, and throwing up on the green, green grass:

“I know you’re a drug dealer.”

Notes: Side story wise, Celia continues her city council campaign, finding her husband and daughter to be unwilling participants. Andy was accepted into Rabbinical school, and Silas and girlfriend Megan break up after she’s admitted to Princeton and won’t allow him to tag along.

Drug dealer U-Turn is portrayed by Page Kennedy, last seen on Desperate Housewives before being tossed off the set for “improper conduct.” Expect Kennedy to appear in at three more episodes. Plus, New Zealand stoners steal faux-marijuana from Weeds billboard.

Death Cab for Cutie covered “Little Boxes” as part of the season long move to inject new musical life, from a host of performers, into the opening song.

Check back next week for the episode three recap.

Tags: showtime, weeds recap, kevin nealon’s career performance

Season 2, Episode 1: “Corn Snake”

The season two premiere of Showtime’s pot-dealing matriarch comedy Weeds, picked up right where it left off: Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) checking herself in the bathroom mirror in the home of her new “acquaintance” Peter (Martin Donovan), naked but for his jacket she picked up off a chair in the dark, now slowly spelling out the bold yellow lettering on said jacket in her head: D-E-A. Yes Nancy, Good Morning. You’ve just unknowingly slept with a drug enforcement officer. As panic quickly replaces foggy-headedness and keen awareness rubs out bedroom eyes, Nancy takes a quick inventory of Peter’s dresser while he’s asleep. Badge: check. Gun: check. Which leads to the customarily awkward first morning-after conversation:

Peter: You have big feet.
Nancy: Why do you have a gun in your dresser?
Peter: Were you snooping?
Nancy: My feet used to be smaller but I went up a size with each kid……It’s just sitting there, in your dresser. I saw it when I went to pee.
Peter: I like your big feet.
Nancy: They’re not like Fred Flintstone feet. They’re just, long.

Soon after, Peter admits to being an enemy of the common drug dealer, and Nancy makes for the door as casually as possible, yet ready to run if need be, like a Flintstone in her foot-powered ride.

In other Agrestic Hills happenings, Celia (Elizabeth Perkins), fresh from a fender-bender at the mall, finds her traffic light concerns ignored by city councilman Doug (a blissfully smoked-out Kevin Nealon). But with resources already allocated towards more important matters, as in town branding (Agrestic: The Best of the Bestic) and the like, Doug leaves Celia steaming at the emptied-out council chamber. Later, over coffees spiked with Jack Daniels, Nancy pushes for Celia to get back at Doug where it hurts: by overthrowing him as City Councilperson. The notion works for Celia’s husband, who assumes that he’ll be bowing out as Doug’s campaign manager, due to conflict of interest, and in as Celia’s, only to find out that he’s not wanted. So it’s pothead against cancer survivor, husband versus wife; the future of Agrestic at stake.

The friction in episode one is found in the planning and execution stages of Nancy and (former supplier, now business partner) Conrad’s move to turn her “fakery”, a front for herb-friendly confections, into a full on California drug-cartel of the first order. When Nancy confesses that she’s laid down with the law, Conrad is ready to jump ship. Coincidental or not, the presence of Nancy’s new man is too close for comfort in Conrad’s eyes, although Nancy isn’t too sure of the outburst. Is it caution or jealousy? And then there’s minor partner in crime Sanjay, who brings the episode to a close in a blaze of glory, so to speak, “accidentally” burning down the bakery, hoping to enter the love of Nancy sweepstakes by earning start-up money for the biz though insurance claims. Surely it can’t be that easy, so an arson investigation is sure to follow. As Conrad said, “That shit only works on The Sopranos.”

Closing Notes: Nancy’s brother Andy is back to cramming for his Rabbi studies, looking to get accepted into Rabbinical school in order to avoid being shipped off to Iraq with the rest of his Reserve unit. While applying for entrance, he sets his eyes on a new lady/enabler.

The opening theme, “Little Boxes”, originally played by folksy Melvina Reynolds, will be covered by various hitmakers and indie notables throughout the season. Elvis Costello started things out for the season, to be followed up by the likes of Englebert Humperdinck, Death Cab for Cutie (next Sunday - 8/21), Ozomatli, Regina Spektor, Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley, Tim DeLaughter of The Polyphonic Spree, and more.

More Weeds: Season Two, Episode Two Recap

Tags: weeds recap, showtime

The third installment of the Bravo network’s successful Project Runway kicked off last night, with a casting pre-show in LA, Chicago, Miami, and New York where a handful of talented designers were selected, as well as a peppering of “whackadoos” (to use a Michael Kors turn of phrase) and losers for the audience to suffer through while production manufactures scene stealers and forgets character development on the editing room floor.

The “Road to the Runway” pre-show demonstrated how favorites from seasons one and two are still doing what they did before (season one’s Kara Saun dressing B-list all-stars, season two’s Nick Verreos teaching, and winner Chloe Dao still plugging away beading wife-beaters at her Houston boutique “Lot 8″). Season one winner Jay McCarroll and season two heartthrob Daniel Vosovic are both twiddling their thumbs while considering the age-old quandary of art vs. commerce. Speaking of McCarroll, shame on Bravo for letting ubermodel host Heidi Klum scold them in low Deutsch for airing only the first two episodes of “Project Jay” in which McCarroll went belly-to-chin with the diva over a last-minute awards show snafu. Klum apparently prefers to be seen as a bobble-headed cartoon of herself than an actual power player, which is too bad; it would make better TV. Santino has been trotted out to stiffly speak his self-mocking lines while rolling his eyes, but where the hell is Andrae? I miss that little tweaker.

Season three stand-outs thus far include the brilliantly cast Malan Breton who was born in Taiwan, or so he likes to say. I’m conjuring a limerick as we speak. Breton, who bears a striking resemblance to Spandau Ballet and may be the grandson of French surrealist Andre Breton, is actually a performance artist, but the surprise is he has talent and totally plays to the camera with his scary Udo Kier eyes and Daniel Franco creepiness. Heidi Klum told this week’s Newsweek that this season of PR will have a nasty villain, so here’s hoping Mr. Breton is it. Also note-worthy is Angela Keslar, Catherine Keener’s body double, who told judges she makes accessories “like some women make babies”, obviously alluding to Seal’s babymama. Jeffrey Sebelia harkens back to the 80s fashion icon Stephen Sprouse with his own line, Cosa Nostra, which is well known inside and outside fashion meccas like LA. The first challenge was to scavenge the Atlas apartments in which contestants are housed for materials for a high fashion gown. The winner last night, Keith Michael, is this season’s Emmett and not simply because Tim Gunn wants him. Possibly the most interesting gown that went unnoticed was Atlantan Michael Knight’s coffee filter dress, which was light and lovely and completely original.

The idea they’re selling for PR3 is that more contestants are actual designers instead of wannabes, but it’s a false premise; note the architect mother of five and the snowboarder. Those with most potential appear to be Alison, Bonnie, and Uli, but as Bravo likes to remind us, we must watch what happens next. The Blogging Project Runway site and the PR store are both worth checking out. The store features t-shirts designed by seasons one and two faves. You too can spend $25 plus shipping on what appears to be a screenprinting workshop gone mediocre, including Daniel V’s “Free Tim Gunn” top, both because “free” whomever went out with Mumia and Winona and because the likeness is unforgivably ugly. Free Andrae!

Related - Project Runway’s Malan Breton, Cultural Aesthete

Tags: project runway, tim gunn, bravo